As you already know from the stage directions before reading the play, her name means "purity and rebirth." This was no coincidence despite how beautiful white lilies are. We see her character go through so much trauma that sometimes it seems unbearable as an audience member to watch someone so young struggling so much. She truly is a pure soul who tries to see the best in people and in life, but we slowly see that breakdown as we progress through the first act. It begs the question, when is that shift from "hopeful" to "giving up" and how does Felicity tie into this shift?

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We cannot look at the character of Lily without looking at Felicity. It is not directly stated in the actual script apart from the stage directions, but Felicity is the inner workings of Lily's mind, the positivity. Lily is so far gone to the point she's constantly in debate with her own mind that she's personified the idea of herself into a person that truly doesn't exist anymore. We could argue she's trying to hold on to this past version of herself without realizing it, but we can also argue that Felicity is simply this last "hope" for Lily to try and save herself. Lily is constantly trying to give up on herself, but there's this glimmer of hope in Felicity (herself) that won't allow her to. It's also important to mention in the entirety of Act 1, Lily doesn't say her true and deepest feelings to anyone besides Felicity (once again, herself). Why is that? This is her way of closing herself off, but excusing it by saying she has an outlet because she's not technically talking to "no one" if she talks to herself. It's a cruel and terrible thought, but that's just where she's at in the play.

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​When writing the character of Lily, I truly just tried to capture the state of mind I was in at that time and was in for years. It's so hard to capture your trauma and pain into a scene, but I think the main thing I wanted to show was how Lily did her best to keep these dark feelings to herself. She was slowly killing herself from the inside out. We of course don't see her physically harm herself, but it's heavily implied she does so when she's finally alone. Her state of mind keeps getting more and more dark as she goes through each traumatizing event. Part of why she doesn't tell anyone what she's really feeling is because she believes she has to uphold this facade of who she was when people met her. When they first met her, she was this bubbly person who did anything for others and had a superior positive mindset that couldn't be touched. That's not who she is at the beginning of Act 1. In fact, we're purely seeing remnants of that girl she knew and are being given this mask of sorts when she's with others. The only time she's really herself is when she's talking to Felicity, but even then, she lies to herself. It's this endless spiral for her, but she truly believes she won't be able to break out of it. 

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It is mentioned that Lily suffers these sharp pains on her waist when someone touches her. To expand on this more than the play does, it's simply the trauma manifesting through her body. Lily doesn't really know what it is or why it happens, but she knows that it hurts. I can say from personal experience that this doesn't really go away, but it becomes less noticeable when you finally feel safe with someone. Touch can be a scary thing at first when your body has been abused so many times by different people, it's almost like your body rejects any sort of interaction. Feeling safe can feel somewhat impossible, but when you build trust and comfortability with others, it makes it feel like stepping into a pool (cold at first, but warmer the longer you're in it).

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When exploring the character of Lily, I offer you look at what the play doesn't give you just as much as what it does. There's so many hints of what she's really thinking or feeling despite what she says or does, but it's up to intepretation. She is flawed in numerous ways, but these flaws don't make her deserving of these traumatic experiences like she believes. Her character is purely about healing, that is all. She is on her own healing journey and she goes through the highs and the lowest of lows. Be patient with her and she will deliever you a promising story.